Finding Myself
by marauderingmarauderer
Summary: Post OotP. ON HIATUS! NOT SLASH, HG... harry and remus fatherson bonding...NOT SLASH! REVIEW! Check out my other fic, HP and the Ultimate Sacrafice. This is my first fic so please be gentle. Harry is depressed about MoM incident and Remus he
1. Occlumency and other stuff

Well, hello ppl. This is my first fic so please be gentle…and don't forget to review…

So on with the show…

The drops can be heard upon the rooftop on number 4 Privet Drive. This summer, unlike the last, is filled with rainstorms. The inhabitants of number 4 could always be described as one thing, _normal_ with, of course the one exception being the one person whose mood matched the weather.

Harry Potter was nothing _normal_ even though he so desperately wanted to be. However, he didn't want to be _normal_ like his family was. If he wanted to be as big as a whale or as nosy as a school girl then he's better off being _abnormal_. No, he wanted to be normal as in '_I am a normal teenage boy without the fate of the world on my shoulders - literally._'

And he did have the fate of the world on his shoulders – literally. And it was all thanks to a prophecy that was made before he was born.

'_If only it was Neville –'_ he started but was interrupted with another thought.

'_What am I saying? Of course I wouldn't want Neville to be the _Chosen One…'

"The Chosen One"; that is what the Daily Prophet, Witch Weekly, and the London Wizard had dubbed him. What is interesting also is that Fudge finally got what was coming to him. He was run out of office and now Amelia Bones was the impromptu Mistress of Magic. Many people wanted Albus Dumbledore to be the Minister, but he politely refused, stating that

"While I would gladly be the Minister of Magic if there were no better candidates, I will have to politely refuse on the account that I am an old wizard and I will need to use my strength for Hogwarts. However, you should do well not to be disappointed, as I have two candidates with whom I would be glad if they were chosen. The first being Arthur Weasley, Head of the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts office and Amelia Bones. Thank you, and good night."

Right now the Boy-Who-Lived was on his bed staring at the ceiling lost in thoughts, not about the prophecy, however, but about Sirius, his late godfather as of two weeks ago…and it was all his fault.

'_Sirius, why did you have to go after me? You would still be alive and, and…'_ Harry broke out into a sob. Ever so gently, he whispered,

"Why did you have to leave me?"

To this question there was no answer. The only noise that could be heard was soft _pitter-pat_ of the rain on the ceiling.

Pitter-pat…

All of a sudden he heard the doorbell ring and his lazy uncle belch out,

"Who would be out in this bloody rain!"

Harry could hear the… shuffling? No, more like earthquake-inducing footsteps of his uncle go to the door unlock it and yell out,

"What the bloody hell- hey! Watch where you are pointing that you _freak!_"

Harry grinned. He knew it was Remus because of the letter he wrote Harry a few days ago telling him that he needed to talk with him. Also, anything that would make his uncle truly mad would make Harry happy.

He could hear footsteps coming up the steps and knew that it was Remus'. He then heard a knock on the door. He started to grin but remembered himself.

'_You can't get close to anyone; they'll just get hurt by Voldemort! Stay focused!'_ He thought to himself as he took a moment to recollect himself, his stony face becoming restored once more. He opened the door and saw a man in tattered robes with a sad smile upon his face and Harry felt his heart break in half again. This was all his fault.

Remus smiled and said,

"Well…can I come in then?"

Harry was startled out of his thoughts and in an voice devoid of emotion, said,

"Yes, you may come in,"

Remus came in and quickly took out his wand and performed a drying charm upon himself.

"I knew I should have done the Impervious charm before I left, it makes it easier so that I don't have to do the drying charm," Remus said, trying to make some small talk.

It wasn't working.

"Listen, Remus, just cut to the chase and say what you came here to say already," Harry said. He just wanted this to be over.

"Listen, Harry, I know that it has been a rough 2 weeks for you but please don't take your anger and frustrations out on me," said Remus with a surprisingly calm face.

'_It didn't work!' _thought Harry. The plan was to get Remus angry with him.

'_Oh well, now we are going to go with another approach.'_

"Just… shut up. You don't know anything about what I have been going through," Harry said this with a monotone voice yet again.

"I know that you are hurting inside and that you probably blame yourself. You probably want someone to help you through this time but you don't want people near you in case they die," said Remus fluently.

At this Harry was stunned. How could this person possibly understand him so well? It was impossible.

Almost as if he read Harry's mind, Remus said,

"Oh come off it Harry! You wear your emotions out on your sleeves. Which is one of the reasons why I am here…to train you."

"Train me? In what?" Harry replied too shocked to not notice his monotone voice gone.

"In a couple of things but mainly the reason is occlumency."

Harry's mind raced at the thought. Lupin teaching him occlumency? Did he really want Lupin seeing all of his memories; good and bad? When he had been at his lowest? Definitely not.

"I haven't had a vision all summer. You really don't need to be teaching me anything…" Harry rambled trying to think up an excuse.

He couldn't.

"Harry, do you really think that I would disobey direct orders from Dumbledore?" said Lupin as he thought,

'_Or the orders from your parents that I would do anything I could to protect you? I have failed so far James, but not anymore!'_

Lupin continued,

"Well now that all that is settled, I think that you should head off to bed because you are waking up at 8:00 a.m. to begin the training here."

Something inside Harry's head clicked together and he started,

"Wait a minute! Are you telling me that not only am I being forced to be trained and you looking into my memories and waking up at _8:00 a.m._, but I have to stay at the Dursley's!"

Remus calmly replied,

"Yes, but we will be moving to the Burrow when you have been able to block me. I think we will be gone from here in about 4 weeks or so."

'_4 weeks'_ This kept resounding in Harry's head.

He didn't even register when Remus left, all he did was think.

'_4 weeks with Remus and the Dursleys…why do I feel like before this is all over, something either really good is going to happen or something really bad?'_

well, that was it! Pleaz review and I hope u like the story…

I will repost depending on reviews, thank you.


	2. A family

Hello again, ppl! I have gotten reviews stating that they like this story so I am

continuing!

I'm so sorry for taking such a long time in doing this but I had finals and stuff and I wasn't sure if I was gonna continue w/ the story, but I am…

Now on with Chapter 2!

Harry fell into bed exhausted after the first day of training. What a day! First he woke up to Remus conjuring water on him, then he ate his breakfast, which consisted of 2 egg-and-bacon sandwiches with a big cup orange juice. After that Remus told him that they will begin their first part of the training. They headed up to the room, which was magically enhanced so that they could have room for his training. Remus told Harry to follow him in doing stretches. The conversation that followed went along the lines of this…

_:FLASHBACK:_

"What do you mean _stretches_? I thought it was only going to be occlumency!" said an exasperated Harry.

"You have to do physically work out if you want to duel well. These stretches are going to warm up your body for the exercises we are going to be doing," said an amused Remus.

"Bloody hell!" muttered Harry angrily, but then remembered himself as he retook his stony expression…he really wanted to leave.

This, however, only made Remus' smile grow larger. He was beginning to look like the Cheshire cat, which furthered Harry's anger.

After they finished their stretches, Remus began to show Harry what he should be able to do by the end of the summer. At this, Harry seemed a little overwhelmed. Then Remus showed Harry very basic Martial Arts moves and told Harry to do the same. Harry did do everything that was asked of him, not because he wanted to or because he knew he had to, but because of spite. He did it out of spite.

And whether or not Remus noticed this or not, it didn't matter because Remus was going to make him do either way… Harry knew this.

:_END FLASHBACK:_

Harry's attitude toward Remus did not improve for the rest of the day. In fact, Remus was beginning to get annoyed with him by the start of the occlumency lesson.

:_FLASHBACK…AGAIN_:

"So Harry, would you mind telling me how much about occlumency do you know?" asked Remus, who seemed to be not as annoyed with Harry's behavior as much as Harry would have liked.

Harry, who was not satisfied with Remus' annoyance (or lack of) and tired from the physical aspects of his training, wanted nothing more than to just lie in bed and sleep away from all his problems, nightmares, and the particularly _annoying_ werewolf in front of him.

"Harry, answer me please," requested Remus who still didn't seem to be all annoyed.

All Remus got was silence.

"Harry James Potter," yelled Remus, "You answer me right this minute or there will be an extra 15 pushups, sit ups, and any other exercises that I have forgotten because of my disappointment in you!"

Harry finally cracked Remus, and now looking at him, Harry realized that he hated himself for it but would not let Remus see that.

"I'm sorry, were you talking to me?" said Harry in a tone that obviously showed he had been not answering Remus purposefully.

"What has gotten in to you? Where is the Harry that I knew, that Padfoot knew? Where is the Harry that would do anything for his friends, like write a simple letter stating that everything was fine, or perhaps answer a simple question that I asked you? Where did he go? I need to know, Harry, and don't give me a bogus answer like, "Were you talking to me?" You give me a straight answer, now!" ranted Remus.

During this little lecture, Harry began to feel like crap. He knew that every little thing that Remus was saying was true and could only manage to choke out,

"I don't know."

Remus heard the broken voice and his heart almost broke in two.

"I just really don't know anything anymore, my feelings are so mixed up. Everything is just so, so…screwed up now. Siri-… Padfoot dieing and the prophecy and everything and, and, and…" at this point Harry almost broke down and cried, but he was holding it in.

'_You have to be strong,'_ he thought to himself, '_You can't let anyone see you weak, especially not Remus, he probably blames me for Sirius' death, not that I don't blame him, but if he sees me crying he'll only think of how pathetic I am, starting something and then not being able to face the consequences! I am a loser.'_

What Remus said next, shocked Harry.

"It's okay, Harry, let it out, it isn't healthy to hold everything in, just let it out, it's going to be okay."

Harry, however, needed to ask one thing before he did cry and it was,

"Yo-you d-don't hate or bla-blame m-me?"

Remus only smiled a sad smile and said,

"No, Harry, I don't hate you and never have I thought to blame you and I never will."

:_END FLASHBACK…AGAIN_:

With those words, Harry began to cry and being comforted by Remus, something he had never _really_ had in his life, someone who would comfort him while he was feeling low and even though the Weasley's and Hermione probably would have done the same, they each had their own families, but now Harry had one as well, with Remus.

Well, there you go, another chapter will hopefully be on its way soon!

Please, Please REVIEW…I can only get better…or worse…

Miss Chant: Thank you for all the grammatical errors with which you provided me with for last chapter.

Arrowhead1980: Thanks for your encouragement of the story. Sorry that I made you guys wait for awhile.


	3. Girls and Wills

Well…I am sry it took so long but as is said in da last chapter my computer lost the file…but here it is, after all that hard and grueling work…

I had decided to take my extremely looong chapter 3 and decided to split it up into two shorter chapters so that I could get it to you faster but I still need to write the rest so don't expect anything in a few days, in fact, I might not be able to update in a few weeks…but I am going to try and get it to you even though I will be in Europe…but I can't make any promises!

Anyways…on with Chappie 3!

Finally!

The week after the encounter with Remus, Harry's behavior improved and his outlook on life was better as well. His nightmares diminished thanks to a combination of occlumency and with talking with Remus.

Also, as a result of the encounter with Remus, the two began to form a father/son relationship and even though Remus was the new father figure in Harry's life, they both knew that it wouldn't fill the void that Sirius left and that Remus wasn't trying to take Sirius' place.

The schedule for the week included the following:

First, Harry would be woken up by Remus to do stretches and to go for a light jog at around 9:00 a.m. in the morning for about thirty minutes. Then they would go up to Harry's room, which Remus magically expanded double its size, and after breakfast cooked by Mrs. Weasley (sent via. Remus) they began to duel using both magical and muggle means.

Harry always found this very informative because he learned new spells, hexes, curses, charms, and – surprisingly – transfiguration spells that could be used in a duel. He also learned how to do basic martial arts like Karate, taekwondo (a.n. spelling?), and other forms.

After doing this for about 5 hours, a physically drained Harry would take a lunch break and then "recreation activities." During this time, since he was just too tired to go outside and play or just hangout like other teens (and the fact that he was "discouraged" form going outside) he would just sit and talk with Remus.

These talks varied through many different subjects such as quidditch, Voldemort and the wizarding world, Sirius, and – to the embarrassment of both Remus and Harry – girls.

This particular conversation came up on the Thursday night after Harry had fallen asleep and woke up with a silly grin on his face.

:_FLASHBACK_:

"So, Harry," started Remus after Harry woke up, "thinking of anyone special?"

Harry looked at Remus in shock, how could he tell?

"Uh…" started Harry, "Remus, I, er, don't know what your talking about?"

Remus grinned.

"Harry," Remus started, "it doesn't take head healer to figure you out –"

"And I suppose being a legilimency master has nothing to do with it," interrupted Harry sarcastically.

Remus pondered for a moment.

"Well, Harry," he said, "I suppose your right, if you weren't so bad occlumency then maybe I wouldn't have known that you like -"

"Shut up!" croaked Harry, embarrassed and as red as the hand he had been caught with (a.n. lame, I know, but I jus couldn't stop laughing at how lame it was when I wrote this so it stays). "What about you? I know there is something more than _friendship_ on your mind when the name 'Tonks' comes up in a conversation!"

At this Remus turned redder than a brick and Harry couldn't stop from laughing. Now the tables have turned…or have they?

"Harry, you know that you talk in your sleep?" asked Remus. "It's true… 'Merlin, she's beatuful...oh, how could I have never noticed you, -"

But he was interrupted when a pillow came at his head full force.

"I do not!" shouted Harry indignantly.

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

:_END FLASHBACK_:

After Harry would finish the day off with dinner after "recreation time" and then after dinner he and Remus would do occlumency training. Either Harry would fall asleep during meditation or after Remus called it a night.

Either way it had been the best week he had ever had at number four Privet Drive.

"Harry," called Remus the last day of the week, "I have something important I need you to talk about some important things."

Harry had been reading his "Quidditch through the Ages: Volume 2," which had come out at the beginning of the summer and Remus had gotten it for him, when Remus spoke to him. He set down the book and went over to his bed next to Remus, who was at Harry's desk.

Remus cleared his throat.

'_Not a good sign, Remus only clears his throat to stall for time,'_ thought Harry, who had spent enough time with the werewolf to learn his mannerism.

"Well," finally began Remus, "Harry, when… _Snuffles_ died…" he paused not sure how to continue.

"When Sirius died, he…he left behind a will." Now Harry knew where this was going, and he didn't like it one bit.

"Harry," continued Remus, "he left half of all his things – including Grimmauld Place – to _you_."

At this Harry was flabbergasted. Of course he had been expecting this, but to actually hear it, it was a little overwhelming. Harry's eyes teared up as he muttered the only thing he could think of:

"Sirius you mangy mutt."

Remus allowed Harry a few moments to regain his composure and after a few moments had passed Harry asked:

"Can't I just give it away? I don't want any of it, it was Sirius'!"

"No," Remus sighed, "no you can't refuse."

"Well, why not?" asked an emotionally unstable boy.

"You can not," answered Remus, "because if you do refuse it, it will go to the next person in the Black family line and that is Bellatrix Lestrange."

Harry knew that he couldn't refuse the money but he didn't want to accept it either. One thought rang through Harry's head, however, and it was –

'_It's what Sirius wanted._'

Harry took a deep breath.

"Okay, I'll accept it. How much is it that he gave me anyways?"

"Well," started Remus, "not including Grimmauld Place and an island off the coast of New Zealand, he left you fifty million galleons, sixteen sickles, and twenty-one knuts."

Harry's mouth dropped.

"Fif-fif-fifty million galleons?" asked an astonished Harry.

"Plus sixteen sickles and twenty-one knuts," answered Remus with an amused grin on his face.

Harry quickly thought.

"Uh…Remus?" Harry asked. "Did the Weasleys get any money?"

Remus answered slowly:

"I don't think so, Harry. Why do you ask?"

"Because," answered Harry, "I want to give them two million galleons."

Remus inwardly smiled, swelling up with pride at Harry's readiness to give unconditionally, but the logical side of his brain just had to tell Harry that:

"Harry, even though I think I can arrange that for you, I don't think that it will be a very good idea."

"Why not?" asked an innocently looking Harry.

"Because," started Remus, "first of all there is Ron's jealousy which I have heard a great many things about, the Weasley's pride, and they might just send it back."

"Well," Harry responded thoughtfully after a few minutes, "as for Ron's jealousy, what he doesn't know won't hurt him, I think I know a way how to make it so that there pride doesn't get hurt and either way, can't you make it so that they can't give it back to me?"

"Well," Remus said, "Yes there is but I don't think you are understanding wha-"

"Yes, Remus, I do." interrupted Harry, "Good, now that everything is settled, let's have some dinner!"

Remus smiled to himself as he thought of how most of the times Harry acted like Lily, but how at that moment, Remus thought he had been channeling Prongs.

Chappie three is up!

I had decided to take my extremely looong chapter 3 and decided to


	4. Authors Note Very Important

Dear Readers:

I am sorry people, my computer lost my chapter when I was almost done with it and it was a gonna b a very long chapter so it might take a little while for me to update, but do not fear! I am NOT going to abandon this story! (Also, I have a trip through Europe for 16 days that starts this Friday but I might b able 2 update there)!

Not abandoning! Remember

marauderingmarauderer


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